Short Story

Today I've got an interesting story and a moral. All of this is true.

My parents have always gotten mad at me for not trying my best at school. I get mad at them for getting mad at me and punishing me too much. They get mad at me for arguing back. I get mad at them for that. Its a really bad cycle that I've been in for quite some time. Today, they got mad at me for my grades. I never was too disappointed in my performance, but I was disappointed in the fact that every time that we have this talk, I get in trouble and lose a privilege. And that's the cycle.

Since my post on optimism and pointing out the good things, I got angry once more with my parents, because they only were pointing out the bad things about my grades. They would talk about one bad grade that I had, despite all of my other 'A's. Why couldn't they give me the slightest bit of positive feedback?

I found myself at a loss in that conversation and I realized that I've always been the kid that's really smart but never really cared about his grades. I skated by through all of my classes with okay grades. And then I thought, "Why not be the kid that's really smart and gets really good grades?" After that I realized that I should just do both. Although I never liked homework, after doing my studies today, and all of my homework, that I would usually lack to do, I felt good.

If that isn't enough of a philosophical breakthrough for me, as I was studying my spelling for Friday's test, my sister came in my room. I never really liked my sister all too much. She always seemed like she said a whole novel about every good thing good that you did. She continued to praise how I manage a job and schoolwork, and do quite well on all of my tests. But then I thought something really important that I think we can all learn from.

You can always find positive feedback, you just have to open up and listen for it.

Optimism

Have you ever had a moment when you've said "Wow, I'm really unlucky... think of the odds of THAT happening."? I used to have a lot of those moments. After a lot of thinking, I realized that there are so many things that go right in your favor that you only notice the bad things. Think: You turned on a computer to read this, and the computer worked fine, your internet is up, you logged in okay, there was electricity to power the computer, you aren't blind, you are well enough to get up and get online. But if any of these events weren't in your favor, a lot of people would have said "What are the odds?". Of all of the thousands of things that happened in your favor, the odds are pretty low most of the time.

There are so many things that we just don't notice that when we say "What are the odds?" we don't really mean it, but we bring ourselves down when we say it. Whenever you say that, you realize that your life is really unlucky. The odds of whatever event happened bad, are pretty low. But that's all people notice usually. If you're a optimist, then you'll avoid this and not bring yourself down.

Going off of this, if you've ever called someone an optimist and they said "I'm just being a realist", chances are they're just noticing the bad things, and not paying attention to the good things that happen. One could argue that optimists would only notice the good things. But that's impossible. We are hard-wired to notice bad events. All optimists notice these bad events, but then realize about all of the good things in their favor. So the optimist is actually being the realist and the pessimist is just making it worse for himself/herself and usually everyone around them.

Pessimism can also hide in questions that you ask yourself. When people get angry, they ask themselves "Why can't I do this?" The answers to that questions are all negative and none will help, they're all just excuses. You tell yourself "I can't do this because I'm sick", when you're not really sick, and then you can't focus on the things you can do to get better. Then you don't get better because you don't know to work on. You don't know what to work on because you don't get better and ask yourself these questions. Then you read my blog. Then you ask yourself positive questions like "What can I work on to get better?" and "What would be a better way of doing this?". You get better. You ask more positive questions, and the cycle repeats in a good way.

I could go on listing all of the strategies for avoiding being pessimistic and being optimistic, but its easy to know what optimism feels like once we do things that are optimistic, and you don't need to have me type until my fingers fall off or start bleeding (I've always wondered if you can type until your fingers bleed).

Have a great day! And don't type too much : P

Smiling

Have you ever seen someone that you think "Man, that person is really grouchy" or "Wow, that person is always happy"? Or maybe you see a trend that people call you "grouchy" even if it is joking? A big difference in people's opinion about you is how often you smile. It seems like a weird, far-fetched fact, but it actually works!

I used to never smile, because there were too many things not to smile about. If the weather sucked, or I got a bad grade on a test that day, or if I was late to class, or I had a lot of homework, those would all be excuses not to smile. But then someone told me "Those things just don't care" and at first I thought that it was just a weird old piece of Zen philosophy, and disregarded it. But then one day, I was walking to class and realized what it really meant.

What that means that the test doesn't care or your homework doesn't care is that no matter what, if you're smiling or frowning, or not doing any facial expression, the homework is still the same. The test is still the same. You're still late to class. But the people around you do care. If they see you smiling even through tough times they'll think "Wow, that person is really resilient", and maybe they'll try smiling. And before you know it, the people around you will be happier and so will you.

So now that you've learned how smiling is good for you, you get to learn how to smile. All over again. I see in a lot of people that they smile and its just too forced. Or it just looks not right. So heres how to make a smile that's really genuine and real.

So smile right now! Smile really big! Okay now that you're smiling (and keep smiling while you're reading this) make sure that your mouth is relaxed and not tense. Does it feel like your cheeks are being pulled up? Your mouth should be relaxed and your cheeks should feel relaxed as if they are standing on your smile.

Try smiling while talking about any happy or light-hearted topic. If you smile during sad conversations, make sure that you do it while you say something optimistic, but don't ever smile too much while someone is talking about something bad, it can really scare someone away.

So go out there. Smile. Be happy. And try something new.

Refusing to Compare

We've all been in a situation when someone asks you a question about the quality of your life. Whether it's about how much you make, how big your house is, or how happy you are with your life. And the answer never seems to go well. When people ask that kind of question, they are trying to validate themselves. If you say that you're happy with your life, they get put down, but if you say that you aren't happy, you get put down. Then the selfless answer would be to say "I'm not happy with my life," but then you end up bringing yourself down.

But what if you could avoid that? An easy way to get out of that lose-lose question is to answer "I'm happy with my life" and continue on "and I think that you should be happy too." Although this seems like an unrelated answer to the question, the person that you're talking to knows why he/she is asking that question and will understand the answer. The person will probably pause and then they'll feel better about themselves and you will too. This is done by refusing to compare your life with other peoples.

Now let's take the other side of the question. A lot of times we'll find that we're asking questions that hurt other people and we don't even know it. Its a very easy habit that you can slip into and it can hurt your relationships at all levels.

Usually the best way to avoid these questions is to only ask the questions that you don't know the answer to, and the answer would help your life. And if it seems that the previous question about if the other person is happy will benefit your life, the answer is that it won't. It just won't. It builds the habit, and you'll just keep asking the same questions and you will get half of the people to make you feel better and the other half to make you feel worse. Try to avoid any of these questions for a week straight. You'll feel better about yourself in no time at all, and others will feel better around you.

If you have a bad memory and think that you'll forget if you've asked one of those questions, I'll share an easy tip for remembering if you did something. Get a rubber band from anywhere and put it on your left wrist. If you realize that you did the thing you're not supposed to do, then put it on your right wrist. Its a simple fool-proof way to remember if you did something. It can also work for anything that you're supposed to or not supposed to do, and you're not worried about the amount of times that you do it.

Have a great day!

Measurements

I'm sorry about the double-post but I just thought of this idea as I was writing the other post and I thought that it should be its own post.

In today's day and age, we use measurements everyday. We measure how much TV we watch, how fast our computers are, and how smart we are by percentages, and how well we did on something. Most people take in this information without even realizing it. We are constantly measuring everything that we do. But what if we stopped using other people's measurements and used our own?

What if instead of telling yourself, "I'm going to watch TV for thirty minutes today", you told yourself "I'm going to watch a little bit of TV until I get bored"? Things would actually get a lot easier. If you ever encounter something important that you weren't planning on when you said that you were going to watch TV for thirty minutes, then you would still follow your plan, even though theres something that should be an exception. Take your bedtime for example. If you go to bed at 10:00PM every night for the past twenty years and one night you are done with everything possible, and its only 8:00, then go to bed. Most people will just sit around and waste time instead of getting sleep. This is the problem! The person that designed the clock wasn't thinking that if you were done with all of your work then you the time should shift forward, and you weren't thinking about that when you said "I HAVE to go to bed at 10." But if you said "I should go to bed when I'm done with all of my work, and when I start feeling tired."

Numbers leave out so many things that are really valuable. What if you were a pro football player and you kicked a fifty-yard field goal? But what if a six-year old kicked the same goal? They're the same measurement but completely different situations! The kid would be an amazing football player at just the age six, but you couldn't tell by just using numbers! But if you asked each person how they felt they did, you'd get two very different responses and the responses would be accurate because you're not measuring using numbers, you're measuring the actual situation.

Of course, there are times when you need to use measurements, and that's totally OK. Such a situation would be that you need to schedule a meeting. Then it wouldn't be good to go to the meeting when you feel like you should go, because that would not be the same for everyone! Or if you were getting a new TV and you just got the one that 'looked' like it would fit. No. You should use measurements when you are either: Planning something with different people (you could still get ready when you think its right) but the actual meeting would occur at the same time for everyone, or if you're seeing if two things are compatible.

A whole different place where you don't need to measure is when you get up. A lot of people use alarm clocks to wake them up. But what if you didn't? You would never be dependent on the clock ever again! But most people would say "That's crazy! I could never get up without an alarm clock!" I said that same thing, until I realized, that if I scheduled something on a weekend early in the morning (such as meeting a friend at 6:00 in the morning online), until I started getting better at getting up when I should, then I could get up whenever I wanted, and I never was at the mercy of a faulty alarm clock. Also a little note, I still would use an alarm clock to read the time, but not use it as an alarm.

If you stopped using measurements, you'd no longer be at the mercy of society's judgment! If someone asked you how tall you are you could say "I'm tall enough that I'm comfortable with my height", you wouldn't fuel their need to compare themselves to others. Or if someone asked "How much do you get paid?!" You could calmly answer "I think that I get paid enough to support my family and get the things that I want occasionally". You'll find yourself a lot happier with your life because you aren't being constantly judged by other people. You would be judging yourself and making necessary corrections, instead of listening to useless garbage that people push on you.

The Power of Fifteen Minutes

Have you ever had a skill that you've seen someone else do but you thought you never could do? Well, here is your chance to learn that one skill that you never thought that you could have. If you just took fifteen minutes every night, regardless of situation, you could build almost any skill that you wanted. Fifteen minutes every night for a year adds up to more than 91 hours! And it doesn't have to be one skill, you could work on a different skill every day! And in no time you'll be able to master any skill that you want.

Like for me, I've never learned any of my multiplication tables beyond 12. I know that you learn that in 5th grade, but I never went past it, so I've been working on them every night and I've gotten really good at it. Everyone has something about them that they're embarrassed about, so work on that! Think about how much you could get done!

Here's a couple tips so that you spend the fifteen minutes to the best of your ability:
- Don't always be watching the clock, stop when you feel like you've spent a good amount of time on it.
- If you can't figure out anything to do, just find anything to do. You could try memorizing all of your contacts on your phone so you're not as dependent on it.
- Make it fun! Try making challenges out of the simple things for exhilaration, or you could do it really methodically for meditation.
- It could be anywhere that you want! It doesn't have to be at your home, it could be on your lunch break, or while you're waiting in a lobby. It doesn't matter!
- Don't skimp out, everyone has at least fifteen minutes that they could use every week. Everybody.
- Practice an instrument of your choice!

Try not to work on easy things during that fifteen minutes (talking on the phone is not a skill), but if you don't have anything to do (despite all of my other suggestions), you could maybe try picking out an outfit for the next day (assuming that you do this at night), and the next morning, that would be one less thing to do. Or try writing a story. The trick to this time is that you're working on something specific, that could help you in the long term, and isn't short term. So you could look at colleges that you want to go to or jobs that you want (try to avoid things like online shopping though, that is a short-term thing because the majority of the time that people do that, they never buy the item, they just take pleasure in viewing items).

Before start your time think "What long-term benefits does this build?" You can still do short-term things, just make sure that you have the fifteen minutes of long-term things built up. Don't ever think that something that you've imagined is stupid or useless, because it probably isn't. All of your thoughts have gone through your subconscious, being nitpicked at every angle before you even get the idea, so chances are it is worth your time to do.

There is one and only one hard part about this whole plan. And that is getting out and doing it. The difference between goals and achievements is discipline! So right now, stop reading my blog, close your web browser, and turn off your computer and work on something.

New Blogging

Hello all readers,
I've decided to have different spin on my blog. Instead of telling about stereotypical events that happen in my everyday boring life, I'll try and write about other things. Some of those things will be scientific debates, cool ideas, and just random things. I'll keep my old posts up, but they'll be far in the back.

Have a great day!
-Gogleion